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Tuesday, 16 September 2014

I'm in the money

Louise Allonby
Louise Allonby

LAST week I rescued a spider which was drowning in a glass of wine (I can think of worse ways to go).

I am not remotely superstitious – honest, cross my heart – but I couldn’t help hoping that this small act of kindness might bring me some luck, it being a money spider and all. Lo and behold, on Saturday I shared in the National Lottery rollover jackpot of £7million!

Admittedly, my share was a measly ten quid but, hey, a lottery win’s a lottery win, and I duly embarked upon a ‘spend, spend, spend’ orgy, splashing out on two bottles of £4.99 chardonnay.

Then on Monday I received a letter from a lawyer called Carl Inwereogu.

Mr Inwereogu informed me that he was trying to track down relatives of his client, Mr Newman Allonby, who had recently died leaving an estate worth 7.5 million dollars. And guess what? Poor old Newman had no traceable next of kin – so would I, as a possible distant relative, like to inherit his fortune?

Would I ever! So I duly mailed Mr Inwereogu all my bank details, my National Insurance number and birth and marriage certificates, along with a passport-sized photo as further proof of identity.

I threw in my cycling proficiency and swimming-a-width-while-wearing-pyjamas certificates for good measure.

I also provided him with directions to my home, in case he wished to deliver the cheque personally. I did mention that it would be best if he could arrive within the next two weeks, as the house would be empty for most of August while I am away on holiday.

Mr Inwereogu only wanted half of Great Uncle Newman’s inheritance in payment for his part in the proceedings, which I thought was jolly reasonable, considering what some solicitors charge for sending just one letter.

So I am currently in a state of fevered anticipation, contemplating how to spend my new-found fortune.

First on the cards is a new Audi S8 in black, with a cream leather interior. A week in a suite at Claridge’s will then be called for, it being a handy base for all the shopping in Bond Street that I’ll be doing.

Then I thought I’d hire a Gulfstream jet to whisk my closest friends off for a week at Richard Branson’s Caribbean island (if it’s good enough for Heather Mills, it’s good enough for me). And I have people on standby ready to install my indoor swimming pool.

Just a couple of niggles, though. Now, I know that the legal profession is by no means immune from the current recession, but I’ve yet to receive a solicitor’s letter written on paper the quality of loo roll, as Mr Inwereogu’s was.

Secondly, every time I try to ring him to check on the whereabouts of my cheque, I keep getting an unobtainable signal. Maybe his secretary keeps leaving the phone off the hook by accident. Hmmm.

At the time of writing, my bank account is showing a slightly worrying deficit – and I’m blowed if I can remember spending £1,557 yesterday on two air tickets to Lagos. Still, I’m sure it will all get sorted out once dear old Uncle Newmie’s cheque arrives. To misquote Del Boy Trotter, this time next week I’ll be a millionaire. Or maybe not.

Have your say

Mr Newman Savage has also died leaving $7.5Australian - what a coincidence!

Posted by M Savage on 12 August 2010 at 06:39

what a suprise i have also recived a letter from carl inwereogu to say that he has left 7.5 mill. to me! my ancestors name (suprise,suprise) is mr. newman and he would 50% of my inheritance plus 10% to go to charity! funny how when i googled his company 'inwereogu&inwereogu associados' it is based in wales yet the adress given on his letter was in madrid. Hmm...

Posted by amy on 10 August 2010 at 13:22

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